Alcoholism: A family Curse

Alcoholism is a one of the biggest health problems in the country. Most "typical" alcoholics are married with jobs and family responsibilities. Alcoholism is an illness that consumes entire families. Because the feelings, thoughts and actions of everyone in the family are affected by the alcoholic's drinking, it is often called a family disease. Family members cannot control the alcoholic's drinking but they can control how it affects their own lives.

It is a disease that develops slowly and often it takes years before a family may seek help. Some typical warning signs of alcoholism are:

1) Frequent use - drinking more often and in larger amounts

Promises to drink less or to switch types of liquor and requests to stop "nagging", ignoring or avoiding responsibilities and a lack of interest in activities without alcohol

2)Increased "blackouts" - when a drinker cannot remember what happened during a drinking period

3)Increased tolerance- drinking in greater amounts to get the desired effect.

4)Appearing sober after drinking large amounts of alcohol

5)Alcoholics rely on drinking to function and they become physically addicted to alcohol. Alcoholism is hereditary and certain people have a genetic predisposition to alcoholism.

Alcoholics often give reasons or excuses for continuing to drink and blame others for their drinking. Because alcoholism is a family problem, everyone in the family suffers. Some typical problems include:

1) Guilt: family members begin to believe the alcoholic's accusations and take the blame.

2) Shame: family members withdraw from social activities and keep others away from their home because they are embarrassed by the drinker's behavior.

3) Resentment: children can lose respect for the non-alcoholic parent for not doing anything.

4) Insecurity: alcoholic behavior is unpredictable. As alcoholics drink more and more, they neglect family responsibilities.

5) Financial problems: alcoholism almost always threatens job security and financial affairs.

6) Delinquency: children often act out their resentment and neglect by behaving destructively.

Recovery begins when the alcoholic and the rest of the family recognize the disease and the affect it has on the entire family. Family members need to face the truth and find sources of help such as Al-Anon and individual therapy. They can encourage the alcoholic to get help and provide information about treatment options or speak to a professional about an intervention.

Family members should pursue their own interests regardless of the alcoholic's behavior. An unhappy, isolated family will not be motivated to help themselves or the alcoholic. Others should not take the blame for the alcoholic's behavior and should remember that they are not the cause or reason for the drinking and behaviors that go along with it. Families should not threaten without acting. They can obtain the advice of a professional and then decide on a course of action. Enabling or covering for the alcoholic takes the responsibility from the drinker and he or she does not have to experience the negative consequences of the drinking.

The following are some things that family members should NOT do:

1) Threaten, bribe or punish the person into quitting.

Hide or dump bottles. Remember that you cannot control someone else's behavior.

2) Take over responsibilities for the person.

3) Cover up problems that occur as a result of drinking.

4) Drink with the alcoholic -you may end up with a drinking problem yourself.

5) Accept unrealistic promises. Alcoholism is not a failure of willpower. Most people need some sort of help to quit their drinking and the only way to handle the disease is to stop drinking.

Once someone accepts and seeks help for a drinking problem, the results may be slow. Recovery is difficult and as a family member, it is important to be supportive and patient. Family problems do not disappear overnight, once the drinking stops. There has been a lot of pain and chaos in the family for a long time and the family may need therapy and support through programs like Al-Anon. Relapses can occur as in any illness. This does not mean the person has failed. Try to be patient and supportive and remember that recovery is a process. Families need support and guidance from people who understand the problem.